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UCAS Questions & Answers

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Improving my Medicine Personal Statement

funkyteenangel
Q: hi , i was hoping u could give me some advice on my personal statement - any suggestions on how i can improve it ?? * * * * As my mother fell seriously ill when I was 9, I was exposed to the hospital environment at an early age. This together with my brother’s health problems, enabled me to experience firsthand the dedication, compassion and commitment of the doctors and nurses, and inspired my initial interest in the medical field. As I grew older, and my interest in science increased, I began to seriously consider medicine as a career. However as science wasn’t the only subject that stimulated my interest, I explored other alternatives so as to ensure that medicine was the career for me. Volunteering as a general ward assistant at Ashford Hospital has further broadened my exposure to the hospital environment. Here I assist with tasks including making beds, serving meals and drinks, and feeding patients. I love the lively environment and thoroughly enjoy working as part of a caring team, as well as forming personal relationships with the patients. Working on the wards I have noticed that doctors have to be both good listeners and communicators. Volunteering has improved both my listening and communication skills, and as many of the patients are elderly- also my patience, sensitivity and compassion. I have also learnt to conduct myself in a professional, friendly and diplomatic manner. This continuing experience has further intensified my desire to study medicine. Apart from working with the elderly I also work with younger children as I baby-sit for family friends during school holidays. These sessions have improved my understanding, as well as my ability to reason and connect with children. It has also stirred an interest in pursuing a clinical career in paediatrics. Since deciding on medicine I have begun to read the “new Scientist”, and medical articles in broadsheet newspapers. I also recently attended a talk on the Gerson Therapy: Fighting Cancer with Nutrition, and in November will be attending a Premed course. At school I have worked in teams where I was responsible for the organisation and financial aspects of charity events such as Red Nose Day, Blue Peter appeals and asthma research. This year I founded a tutor group where my friends and I voluntarily tutor students in year 12. Due to my achieving a high grade, I tutor AS Mechanics. I am also a public speaker at the school’s upcoming graduation and prize-giving ceremony. Outside school, I have helped Ashford Hospital raise funds for a “Neu Probe” as well as regular involvement with Macmillan cancer relief, where I improved my IT skills by assisting with the advertising and visual information. My love for art has developed an interest in foreign cultures and has heightened my desire to travel the world when I am older. I’m currently studying the textiles course and have travelled Malaysia many times, where I have visited batik factories which have influenced my work. As Antonio Gaudi is one of my favourite artists I will be travelling to Barcelona this October, and then to Turkey in March as I am also fascinated by Islamic Art. With my family I have camped in Fareham, and spent summers in Southampton- holidays I thoroughly enjoyed. I also find pleasure in watching Charlton Athletic, and have been a season ticket holder for the past 6 years. I love interacting with the home and away fans, and the rollercoaster of emotions the games provide. I attend the gym 2-3 times a week and like to read biographies on famous black Americans such as Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and at the moment Rubin Carter. I acknowledge that studying medicine is demanding both physically and mentally, but I am confident my interest in the course will allow me to succeed. I look forward to practicing a career I view as both rewarding and stimulating, as each day poses new challenges as there are different patients to meet and treat. I believe I possess the necessary qualities needed by a doctor- patience, friendliness, compassion, the ability to listen, and work in a team and I feel that given the chance I will thrive in both hospital , and university life. * * * * oh and have i mentioned teamwork enough? thanks!
Answer: Apart from some minor amendments you will need to make, this reads well. You make a convincing case for why you want to take Medicine as a career which is backed up by what you have said about your work experience. Good on extra-curricular activities too. Yes, I do think you say enough about teamwork.

Notes:

1.skills, and as many of the patients are elderly- also my patience, skills and, as many of the patients are elderly, also my patience, [note punctuation]

2. Apart from working with the elderly[,] I also work with younger children

3. an interest in pursuing a clinic!al [clinical] career in paediatrics.

4. read the "new Scientist", and medical articles in [read the "New Scientist" and medical articles in...]

5. as well as [having] regular involvement with

6. I look forward to practicing [practising] a career I view

7. I believe I possess the necessary qualities needed by a doctor- patience, friendliness, compassion, the ability to listen, and work in a team and I feel that given the chance I will thrive in both hospital , and university life. [this sentence is a little too involved - might be better to write two sentences instead - certainly take out the comma after hospital]

Good luck!

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