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UCAS Personal Statement Examples

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Psychology Personal Statement

I am afraid that, as it stands, this is badly unbalanced, as it contains far too little about your SPECIFIC academic interests in Psychology and fat too much on extra-curricular activities, some of which (shopping and babysitting, for example) will not be of interest to academic selectors!

I have therefore removed all the unnecessary material and repetition in a significant pruning exercise. There has been a fair amount of rewording in the process, while I have made the concluding paragraph more convincing. This then leaves plenty of room for you to introduce academic material - in the places I have indicated in your draft, and to include a whole new paragraph. You need to identify topics in psychology and biology that particularly interest you, and to find links between the subjects, wherever possible. You need to be much more specific about your reading, and to indicate what new discoveries you have made. And you need to be much clearer about the nature of your project work. Once you have done this, the final product should be much, much better.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your application.

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Nursing Personal Statement

I have made a significant number of changes to your draft, to make it read more convincingly. I have also grouped mini-sections into larger paragraphs, and strongly advise that you adopt this format, with a line between each. I have also moved the critical paragraph about your personal skills and decision-making rationale to the very end, which it is most effectively deployed.

I hope you like the revisions, and good luck with your application.

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Advertising Personal Statement

I have needed to make wholesale changes here in order that it reads coherently, and hence a great deal more convincingly.

The other problem, which you must now address, is that it is rather short. This is because at no stage have you said anything specific about your advbertising interests - such as which ads you have analysed, what your film was about, etc. At several points, therefore, I have indicated in italics or question marks where some specific references are needed. This also includes an indication of which branch or branches of advertising you are particularly interested in. If you are computer-literate, then some statement about your computer-aided design skills might also be useful.

I hope all this helps. Good luck with your application.
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Final draft of Medicine Personal Statement

This is very good indeed, and I have made just a few changes of the odd word. You have certainly packed a great deal in! You are also remarkably well organised too, having all this ready months before the next application season begins at the start of September - as you will know, applications in the current round closed on 15th October.

I hope there will be room on the form to divide this into three or four paragraphs.

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Science Personal Statement

This is reading very well. I have made a fair number of changes, without altering the length. A good number of them are in the long first section, where I have tried to make the link between the two subjects more explicit, and thus more convincing, since I recognise it has to appeal to both maths and chemistry departments.

I hope you like the new version. Good luck with your application.

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Science Personal Statement 1st Draft

A difficult task here. Your teacher is right in that in general it is not a good idea to apply for such a wide range of degree courses. I have nonetheless made it possible by rewriting large sections of the early part of the your PS to justify the variety of choices, by putting all the stress on the common theme of problem-solving.

Elsewhere, too, I have done a great deal of pruning and rewording, since overall it was clearly too long. I hope you like the new version; I think it fits what you wanted, and will certainly now fit into the space on the UCAS form!

Good luck with your application.

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Provisional English and Theology Personal Statement

I have made quite radical changes here, which involve both significant rewording and cutting out or down a good number of sentences. As it stood, it was too long. But a more serious issue, which must now be addressed, is that tt contains no SPECIFIC DETAIL about your reading in either English or Theology. This must be the subject of an entire paragraph (I have indicated where) and you need to devote SEVERAL LINES to identifying books you have read, and in particular some of the THEMES that were developed in them. Given you are applying for a joint course, in at least one of these cases you should explain how a literary author treated a theological issue.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck with the application.

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Personal Statement, applying for law!

Your enthusiasm certainly comes across, though it is odd that the draft contains no reference to any of the 'wider reading' in the law that you mention in the first paragraph.

Overall, the draft was too long, and so I have pruned it, eliminating any superfluous phrases, and the occasional sentence. In off places it sounded rather smug as well, and so you will find that I have altered some of the language used.

I hope you like the revised draft, and good luck with your application. I assume that you are applying to some of the lower grade universities, since all of those that ask for AAA or AAB had an advisory closing date of 15th October.

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Personal Statement, applying for history

Your enthusiasm certainly comes across, though it is odd that the draft contains no reference to any of the 'wider reading' in the law that you mention in the first paragraph.

Overall, the draft was too long, and so I have pruned it, eliminating any superfluous phrases, and the occasional sentence. In off places it sounded rather smug as well, and so you will find that I have altered some of the language used.

I hope you like the revised draft, and good luck with your application. I assume that you are applying to some of the lower grade universities, since all of those that ask for AAA or AAB had an advisory closing date of 15th October.

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SAF form, please could you inform me on how i could improve this, i need this for my industrial placement

I think the content here is really good. I have made several amendments to the wording, though without changing the sense of what you are saying. My only further point is that under the column 'Achievements' for Employment & Work Experience, you should if possible include something specific - like a particular report you compiled. And under the Personal Interest Section, a specific example f a debate motion would make it more convincing. But it is overall very good, and I'd certainly take you on!

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