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Medicine UCAS Examples

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BACK 10 34 Medicine UCAS Personal Statement Examples
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Medicine Personal Statement (urgent, need to send it soon!)

This is a solid, convincing statement. You have a lot to put in that is relevant. Do you need to say anything about the subjects you are studying and what you find interesting about them? Further comments below.

Notes:

1. A few years ago, if you had asked me if I wanted to pursue a career in medicine, I would have laughed. Why would anyone want to become a doctor? First, a gruelling six year course at medical school, then the long irregular hours of training as a house officer, the impolite patients and the risk of litigation. So why am I applying to read medicine I hear you ask?
[the style here is a little too conversational]

2. contact & the opportunity ‘and’ not & - throughout]

3. paediatrics; intensive care and the haemodialysis department. [comma rather than semi-colon after paediatrics]

4. me make friends girls of [friends with girls]

5. I also help to teach dance with my dance teacher, we teach both Bollywood & hip hop for free.
[a semi-colon rather than comma needed after ‘teacher’]

6. A concluding statement would round it off.

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Medicine Personal Statement

Much of this is very good indeed. I think in your first paragraph you need to be more emphatic about why you want to be a doctor – citing the fact that you subscribe to a magazine is not a strong opening. Once you start to describe your work experience and various achievements, your personal statement really works. Check that what you write is simple, direct and clear – some awkwardness in expression here and there.

Still some work to do on this.

Notes

1. Medicine always appealed as the prospect [Medicine has always appealed to me]
2. many of which I believe to possess myself [which I believe I possess myself]
3. made through my varied work experience environments [this is a little wordy – could you express this more directly and more simply?]
4. . It became apparent that as the doctor-patient contact is so intimate, it is important for a G.P to possess listening and adaptability skills, in order to comfort their patient. [this sentence doesn’t flow – in fact, there should be a full stop after ‘initmate’ but rewriting would help.
5. at an elderly home [at a home for the elderly]
6. of a small portion of my time. [of my time]
7. Hence as well [awkward expression here]

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Medicine Personal Statement

There is a lot of good content here - your reasons for choosing Medicine come across strongly, and the science background is helpful. It is, however, rather long, and so I have gone in for some pruning and combining of paragraphs, as well as a certain amount of rewording. I hope you like the revised version. I am assuming that this is for application in the 2005 UCAS round which starts in September, since the closing date for Medicine applications in the current round was 15th October 2004.
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Medicine Personal Statement

You MUST get your skates on! The deadline for ARRIVAL at UCAS of Medical applicants' forms is October 15th! A very good first paragraph - convincing. I have made lots and lots of textual changes. and in the process shortened it so it should now fit. Good luck!
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medicine personal statement

The content here is generally sound, but I have felt it necessary to go in for a very great deal of rewording, which means it is is now altogether more convincing. I hope you like the revised version, which is attached.
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Medicine Personal Statement 2nd Draft

Some useful changes introduced, and I have gone in for still further rewording and pruning, removing all the phrases and sentences that add nothing to the case put before the selectors. I suspect that more yet will have to come out if it is to fit the available space, but let me know after experimenting with the form.
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First Draft Medicine UCAS Personal Statement

As a first draft, there is merit in your Personal Statement, but it is quite a bit too long. I have done a fair amount of pruning and rewording, and it now reads much better. But it is very light in two critical respects. First there is not enough emphasis on what particular sections of your A level courses make most appeal to you - these need to be spelt out, and should be related, wherever possible, to Medicine. Second, you have not yet had any systematic work experience - in a hospital or GP's surgery, for instance. This places you at a disadvantage. So it is really important to stress the volunteering work and your proposed post A Level secondment. Try to put more stress on this, and then I suggest you send a revised draft. The corrected version is attached.
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Medicine UCAS Personal Statement

I have made a large number of amendments to your PS, and it is attached as a file. I hope you like the new version, and wish you luck with your application.
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UCAS Personal Statement for Medicine

This draft is absolutely first class. You have clearly put a great deal of work and thought into it, and it reads very unconvincingly. In particular, you succeed in packing a great deal of relevant information into the first paragraph.

I would therefore change very little.

Paragraph 1:

Line 3 - insert 'huge' before job satisfaction.
Lines 4/5 - reword - implemented in order to prevent disease or cure illnesses.
Line 9 - delete 'as a whole'.
Line 10 - delete 'both'
Line 12 - St. Hugh's College
Line 13 - 'gave me a taste of' is better than 'allowed me to appreciate'
Line 14 - 'involved in' is better than 'presented'

Paragraph 3:

Line 2 - commas before and after 'both in Saudi and the UK'
Line 7 - 'practise' not 'practice'
Line 7 - 'together with scope for' is better than 'alongside'.

Excellent! Good luck with your application.

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UCAS Personal Stement focused on Medicine

To be frank, this is very poor. I have completely rewritten it. It is now 1000% better.

You may not be aware that the deadline for Medicine applications was October 15th, and so you have missed it for this year. Moreover, all such applications require substantial evidence of work experience in this field. You may therefore need to contact me again for advice on alternative courses.

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