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Accountancy UCAS Examples

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Accountancy Personal Statement

This third draft is not as good as the one I returned last time, since you seem to have reinserted many of the chatty and clumsy expressions that I had removed. So I have again amended the draft (particularly the paragraph on ratio analysis, etc) so that it encompasses decent prose.
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Accountancy Personal Statement Draft 3

I am glad to see that you have taken on board earlier comments and suggestions, so you are now very much in business. It is good to see the specific information on ratio analysis et al from your AL BS course that I requested. I have largely rewritten thiis section, and it now reads very fluently. Elsewhere, just very minor changes. Now ready for the off - good luck!
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Accountancy Personal Statement

I have practically rewritten this to make it sound more convincing. In the process, I have removed all the repetition and trivia, and have beefed up the key concluding paragraph. It all reads much better now.

You have further work to do, since the academic content is currently very thin. On the attached revised draft I have indicated where you need to introduce a completely new paragraph, with three or four sentences outlining the specific topics in A level BS that you enjoyed most. Some reference here to coursework or projects would also be valuable.

There will be plenty of room to do this, since your bullet point list of skills largely repeats the earlier paragraph content, and so I have combined the two. I have also removed the reference to 2002 in your Work Experience description since this is now rather a long time ago. Have you done none since?

I hope you like the new version. Good luck with your application.
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I need help on my accounting and finance and money and banking

Some excellent material in a number of places - especially the (familiar!) last 2 paragraphs. Elsewhere I have gone in for quite a lot of rewording, so it now reads very nicely. I've also changed the order to make it read more logically. I hope you like the new version - it might, however, still be slightly too long.
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UCAS Personal Statement(Accoutning and Finance)

This is too short, and too vague. I have amended a good deal of the wording. I have also indicated the places where you need to fill in more specific detail (topics, interests, insights, etc) and have made some suggestions about what you might be able to mention in the business/finance/accounting area - this all appears in bold on your draft. I hope you like the new version; I am happy to see another draft when you have completed the designated tasks.
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Accounting and Finance Personal Statement

There are some nice touches here, though I have made a good number of amendments so that it reads more convincingly. I have also added a vital short final sentence. In many places, however, you are not very specific. You need therefore to idebtify some of your favourite topics in Economics, and preferably those most obviously relating to Finance. And you need to be specific about the LSE lecture topic, and then explain exactly how this caused you to rethink your ideas about the particular area of Economics. I hope you like the revised version.
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Accountancy UCAS Personal Statement

This has some nice touches, though you will see I have done a substantial amount of rewriting. You need to add in a new Paragraph 3 stating why you want to study BS or Accounting, and you need to be very SPECIFIC here - look at the course prospectuses.

I hope you like the new version. Good luck with your application.

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Accountancy UCAS Personal Statement

I have made very substantial amendments to your draft, and it is now much more persuasive. I hope you like it; good luck with your application.

Note from system: No grade awarded, default to C grade.

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