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Actuarial Science UCAS Examples

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Actuarial Science Mature Personal Statement

This reads very well, and I have made a limited number of changes to the wording in order to make a number of sentences flow rather better. I have inserted the fact that you are a mature student early on. It is best to leave a line between each separate paragraph, as have done. And I have sorted out all your space problems, putting the space after the comma rather than before!

I hope you like the new version. Good luck with your application.

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Actuarial Science Personal Statement 2

This is quite impressive but still needs working on. Also, make sure that your statement isn't too long for the box on the form.

Your first paragraph is not direct or concrete enough and could be omitted. I think your personal statement really starts with your second paragraph.

Notes:

1. I want to build a business empire

[nothing wrong with this as an idea but may come across as unrealistic and fanciful - tone it down and make it sound that your aspirations are rooted in reality]

2. mine manifested [itself] immediately

3. is in business [is for a business career]

4. any related club or society in my school [omit 'my school' - not needed]

5. Other this [Other than this]

6. I am also interested in Mathematics in school [no need for 'in school']

7. My interest in it takes form when I obtained my first complete score in an examination for Mathematics in my primary school, and it grows since then. [ the grammar here is faulty - rewrite]

8. All along, I seldom face difficulties in grasping the concepts involved in Mathematics [not really necessary - your estimated grades will convey this]

9. After serious consideration of all the courses available to me, I choose to study Actuarial Science, which is a fusion of business and mathematics. A career as actuary will be a suitable stepping-stone to live my dream. [ this needs to come near the beginning rather than here]

10. not only academic studies, skills [not only academic studies but also skills]

11. and the skills of listening to and the expression of ideas [awkward here - rewrite]

Hope this helps!

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Actuarial Science Personal Statement

Quite good but more needed on why you want to be an actuary. Also a range of errors that you need to address:

1. With this undying passion [this is overstated - tone it down a little]

2. I chose to study abroad [I have chosen to...]

3. , and so, I applied to study in the UK [necessary]

4. . I do not foresee a problem with language as I receive education with the English language as the medium, and I have passed the GCE O' level English examination. no need to state this - let your exam results speak for themselves in the qualifications section. The quality of your English in your personal statement will also be a guide]

5. I choose to study Actuarial Science [I have chosen...]

6. attained consistent good results in mathematics [no need fro 'in mathematics]

7. the mathematics project [Mathematics]

8. a highest attainable [the highest attainable]

9. a highest attainable and newly included award to complement us for the excellent project and the tremendous effort we had put in. [awkward, convoluted sentence structure - rewrite]

10. , I play sports like soccer, basketball and badminton ['I play soccer, basketball and badminton...]

11. (consists secondary one and two students) [unnecessary detail - omit]

12. According to Vernon Law, "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards." [necessary?]

13. I held leadership {I have held]

14. opportunities to lead has provided [opportunities to lead have provided]

15. The organisation of several school events that I was involved in my secondary school [awkward expression - rewrite]

16. and the skills of listening to and the expression of ideas. [awkward expression - rewrite]

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