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Communication Studies UCAS Examples

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Third draft of Communication Studies Personal Statement

This is a good personal statement. You have lots to say about yourself and you have managed to get this across in an effective manner.

One minor point:

1. In your first paragraph you seem to be confusing studying communications with communicative skills - the two are different. The third sentence I think is the problem.

Good luck!

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Second draft of Personal Statement, changes made from advice given

This is good but still needs some fine tuning. Continue to check your punctuation thoroughly and there's still a tendency to make your sentences overly complex.

Notes:

1. employment activity [a bit wordy - can you think of one word instead?]

2. In recognition...[In recognition of what? Not clear/incomplete thought]

3. communications or communication? [note, later you refer to Communication Studies]

4. My confidence has soared due to this course [comma needed after 'course']

5. and have frequently fascinated me [this seems tagged on - doesn't quite fit grammatically]

6. my skill of [in?]public speaking and communication and diplomacy [do you need all three of these? Repetition of 'and' also]

7. More recently I have taken up singing lessons, in which I received a distinction in the Grade 8 singing examination and appeared in numerous concerts, singing a variety of music, helping me to appreciate the motivation needed to succeed and the team-wok involved. [long, overly complex sentence]

8. Further more [one word]

9. administrational tasks [administrative]

10. Public relations [public relations]

11. Further more, I gained experience for two weeks within the Public Relations department mainly carrying out administrational tasks although I got to experience first hand the way in which press releases aimed at various media were put together, thus gaining an in-depth knowledge of just one area of the communication market. [long, overly complex sentence]

Hope this helps!

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First draft of Personal Statement (it's slightly too long)

This is a very good fist draft but I think you have a tendency to write sentences that are too long and complex (see below). Aim to be concise and to the point. I also suggest you swap paragraphs 2 and 3 - around - stay with the academic and then move on to wider interests/accomplishments.

1. In regonition of this [in recognition]

2. At present my career aspirations are still broadly based although the study of the communication and cultural industries will prepare me for a job in the media or similar whilst keeping my options open within this area proving that Communication Studies is the perfect course for me. [quite a long sentence and overly complex - it would read better if you divided it into two or three sentences - it certainly needs commas as it stands now]

3. The importance of teamwork and communication has also been taught to me through my position as vice-head chorographer for my High Schools Evening of Dance production, in which I worked along side a professional dance chorographer[,] helping to create many separate dances incorporating different dance styles.

4. for a course of this genre [this type - genre is the wrong word to use here]

5. My oral communication skills have improved tremendously due to the Performance Studies course where my voice was used as a tool in an expressive manner, my confidence has soared due to this course along with my ability to work individually and collaboratively showing my familiarity to teamwork that I feel is essential for a Communication course. [again, overly ambitious sentence. There should be a full stop after 'manner']

6. All courses have help to improve my skills of self-reliance, as all courses require independent study, needed for University life in general.
I hope to develop all these skills throughout my degree course along side my advanced and continually developing IT skills that are part of my daily life and could even be counted as an interest of mine, along with learning many new skills.

[if you're looking to reduce this statement, this paragraph (above) might be the one to take out]

7. I had to put into practice my communication skills, which as I witnessed are vital to sustaining relations with customers, this sparked my interest in communication and public relations, although I am unsure if Public relations is the specific area of the communication and cultural industry I wish to pursue. [overly long sentence again - a full stop needed after 'customers']

Hope this helps!

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