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In a well-developed personal statement, describe your achievements in your chosen field of study and your future career plans and goals.

This is coming along nicely - you have taken on board several earlier suggestions. I have again tidied up quite a lot of the language. Good luck with it!

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In a well-developed personal statement, describe your achievements in your chosen field of study and your future career plans and goals.

I have made a number of further changes, all with a view to making this read more fluently. I have completely rewritten your short paragraph on 'weaknesses'. I am still, however, a little concerned that you are not really saying anything very specific about your academic interests/achievements in HRM - for example, when you talk about using the funds to buy books, you could and should go on to identify two or three such volumes, which in turn would then enable you to discuss briefly some of your specialist interests. Similarly, you could highlight aspects of the course that have fired your imagination.

I hope this is helpful.

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In a well-developed personal statement, describe your achievements in your chosen field of study and your future career plans and goals.

There is a lot here of merit, though overall I have found what you wrote somewhat repettive, particularly with reference to the acquisition of personal skills. I have therefore pruned some of this, though there is scope for cutting still more. Overall, I have gone in for a good amount of rephrasing, which makes the whole piece read more convincingly. The short paragraph on 'weaknesses' I simply did not understand, and my advice is to delete it.

You therefore have scope to include two new short paragraphs, which would then make it more lively. First, I think you should include a paragraph on your SPECIFIC interests in HRM, and how these have developed while at Leeds. Second, at the very end, I think you should say something about where you see yourself in, say, 10 years time - and therefore exactly why your university course, additional courses, voluntary work, etc. would contribute to this projected career path.

I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

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