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Medicine UCAS Examples

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  34 Medicine UCAS Personal Statement Examples
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Final draft of Medicine Personal Statement

This is very good indeed, and I have made just a few changes of the odd word. You have certainly packed a great deal in! You are also remarkably well organised too, having all this ready months before the next application season begins at the start of September - as you will know, applications in the current round closed on 15th October.

I hope there will be room on the form to divide this into three or four paragraphs.

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personal statement for medicine

This reads very well, though I fear it might be a little long - hence I have gone in for some minor pruning here and there, as well as some textual rewording. I have not, however, sought to alter the content which flows very logically and quite convincingly. An excellent range of activities are detailed here, which do much to support your claims. It is all written in a very mature way; good luck with your application.

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Medicine Personal Statement

There is a lot to commend about this statement, and you have clearly worked hard on it. I have made a number of changes in order to improve the flow. These include a change in the order, the addition of an essential concluding paragraph, and a sharper presentation. I have removed some of the more ponderous English; it is now altogether more lively. At one point I have indicated you need to say more about the BENEFITS you derived from work experience. I have created the necessary space by eliminating some of the material in your 'personal interests' section.

You are presumably aware that UCAS opens for Medical Applications (for 2007) on September 1st 2006 and closes on October 15th. There are of course no places for 2006.

Good luck with your application.

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First draft! VERY very rough - what is in red is what I will develop on!

I assume this is intended as a dummy run for application for 2007 entry, since the deadline for receiving applications for 2006 entry was 15th October.

As it stands, it is vert skeletal. You will need to insert an entirely new paragraph linking Medicine with your A level subjects, and then getting across why it is Medicine that particularly appeals to you. You describe what you did for work experience, but there is nothing there which indicates in what ways you were surprised/excited - in other words, how it might have changed or reinforced your view of medicine.

I have translated the whole of what you have written into recognisable English. Therevised draft is attached, ready for you to work on the omissions.
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Personal Statement for Graduate entry into Medicine

This gets better as it goes along. Your initial paragraphs seem a little tame compared to the great many relevant things you have been engaged in as described in subsequent paragraphs, Some work still needed perhaps to give your statement a little more ZAP!

Also check for ‘errors’such as those below


Notes:

1. especially science and the human body[,] I read a lot of books

2. But I realised quite soon through information gathered and work experience accumulated that I wanted a more medical and diagnostic approach to helping people which offered solutions, although these might not always exist makes medicine the ideal course for me.
[a long, overly complex sentence – needs rewriting]

2. studying biochemistry [Biochemistry]

3. and information towards it. [vague]

4. resolve to study medicine [Medicine]

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Medicine Personal Statement

This is a good, convincing personal statement. The content is fine but check for minor errors such as those below.

Notes:

1. solving manifests itself into an enjoyment of [awkward expression – needs to be crisper here]

2. I have found practical chemistry simulating [stimulating]

3. of specialisation’s [specialisations]

4. intrapersonal [interpersonal skills]

5. This has thought me [this has taught me]

6. am trilingual speaking [am trilingual, speaking…]

7. give subjects a capital letter, e.g. Psychology


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Medicine Personal Statement final draft - -i'm keeping the 1st para because it's v. me!



Apart from some minor errors here and there, this is looking very good. Your range of interests and activities is impressive!

Notes:

1. I’ve always enjoyed studying the sciences, because they’ve [no need for a comma before ‘because’

2. During Easter, I started working at Clayhall GP Surgery. [state what your role was]

3. experience, seeing it gave [ this is disjointed here - needs rephrasing/rewriting]

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Medicine UCAS Personal Statement


This reads fluently, is well-structured and informative. I wonder whether you could do a little more on the A level subjects and the topics you have enjoyed studying (saying why!).

Notes:

1. I thoroughly enjoy the research aspect of my A-levels as they enable me to gather information [I thoroughly enjoy the research aspect of my A-levels as it enables me to gather information]


2. I thoroughly enjoy the research aspect of my A-levels as they enable me to gather information from various sources which broadens my subject knowledge even more.
[this doesn’t seem to be saying very much]

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Medicine Personal Statement


Good first draft but still a bit to do. You need to work on making your sentences crisp and clear – too often they are overly long and complex and thereby losing fluency and clarity. You may need to pare this down a little. Should your paragraph on Medsix come a little earlier?


Notes:

1. the advanced biology and chemistry [Biology and Chemistry]

2. You need to make your paragraphs more easily discernible.

3. Take care that you don’t over complicate your sentences: for example: From my 6 months voluntary work in pulmonary and cardiovascular rehab classes I have developed my interpersonal skills, by communicating with people of different ages, whether reassuring them about their improvement in the classes (in terms of their progressive ability) or teaching new patients how to use exercise machines/ routines that were new to them. [this needs to be broken up into at least two shorter sentences].

4. same here:

Volunteering in the rehab classes required me to be punctual and reliable, as I had responsibilities such as ensuring patients were brought down to the transport office, exercise equipment being set up alongside colour coded posters according to the ability of the patient and preparing leaflets for patients who had completed the course and continue exercise in the community.


5. Here I had to be empathetic towards the patients especially as some may have recently undergone heart operations, and found the routines strenuous. [two separate points, two separate sentences]

6. I have recently completed an Open University mathematics [be more precise – what did it cover exactly – also, when writing school subjects give an initial capital: Mathematics]

7. required a lot of practise [practice]

8. In Dunraven I played in a percussion group of seven, we regularly performed in assemblies- which required a lot of practise beforehand and our patience with one another when learning our parts to play [sentence doesn’t flow]

9. In sports day I usually compete in a few events, usually coming a modest third place. [repetition of ‘usually’]

10. my math course [Maths]

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Medicine UCAS Personal Statement

This is good. It is well-written, clearly structured and the content is wholly relevant. Minor changes needed only.

Notes:

1. Working voluntarily, with the elderly [no need for a comma after ‘voluntarily’]

2. backgrounds will be very rewarding as well as motivating. [switch ‘rewarding’ and ‘motivating’ – perhaps ending on a slightly more positive note.


  34 Medicine UCAS Personal Statement Examples
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