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Nursing UCAS Examples

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Nursing Personal Statement

I have made a significant number of changes to your draft, to make it read more convincingly. I have also grouped mini-sections into larger paragraphs, and strongly advise that you adopt this format, with a line between each. I have also moved the critical paragraph about your personal skills and decision-making rationale to the very end, which it is most effectively deployed.

I hope you like the revisions, and good luck with your application.

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Nursing ucas personal statement

There is very good coverage here, and your enthusiasm certainly comes across. I very much like the concluding paragraph, which seems curiously familiar! I have gone in for lots of re-wording to make it all sound much sharper. My only reservation is that as it stands you say nothing about your A level subjects. They are presumably scientific, and so it would be worth adding a sentence or two to the first paragraph establishing some kind of link between nursing and the topic content of at least one of your subjects.

I hope you like the revised version, which is attached. Good luck with your application!
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Very rough Nursing Personal Statement - first draught

There are a lot of good points made here, though I have pepped up the language throughout to make it sound more interesting. I have also improved the layout. You need to add some spoecific details about the intriguing website in the place I have indicated - this gives you a golden opportunity to show how your reading has changed some of your views of human nature. I hope you like the revised version.
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Personal Statement (3rd draft)

You have added more topics at the end of the first paragraph - good! It reads very well indeed, and should now fit. I've made a few further alterations. You come across as a very nice person. Good luck!
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Nursing Personal Statement (2nd draft)

This reads so much better now; you have taken on board most of my previous suggestions. I think you should add two or three further topic areas at the end of the first paragraph. I have done a little rewording in places, and have re-inserted an absolutely vital concluding sentence. I hope you like the attached version, and good luck with your application!
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Nursing Personal Statement

My revisions and suggestions for additions can be found on the attached file. Do send a further draft when you have answered my various questions.

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