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Pharmacy UCAS Examples

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  11 Pharmacy UCAS Personal Statement Examples
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UCAS Personal Statement for Pharmacy final draft

This is a little on the long side, though it offers some quite decent content - your work experience is useful and your enthusiasm comes across. I have pruned all the repetition and have also gone in for a fair amount of re-wording. It now reads more persuasively, and I hope you like the amended version. Good luck with your application.
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Pharmacy Personal Statement Final Draft

There is quite a lot of decent content here, and your enthusiasm certainly comes across. It is rather light on the academic side, however. I have indicated where you need to add two or three concrete examples of practical work in Chemistry, etc - at the end of the 2nd paragraph.

I have gone in for lots of re-wording to make the prose flow better, and have also rejigged the critical first and last sentences.

I hope you like the revised version. Good luck with your application.
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Pharmacy Personal Statement First Draft

This is a good draft but your expression becomes very uneven in the last two paragraphs (see below). Otherwise fine.

Notes:

1. With my academic issue aside [awkward expression]
2. I had given the trust to carry the responsibility as a Senior Prefect [grammatically awkward]
3. This had given me the confidence and develops my leadership [ This has given me confidence and developed my leadership, interpersonal and management skills]
4. and willing to co-operate in my academic work.[grammatically awkward]
5. enthusiastic about pharmacy[Pharmacy]
6. I am ready for any challenge approaching in the course. [awkward expression]

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pharmacy personal statement

A good draft but still needs fine tuning. You need to make your movement from paragraph to paragraph a little less abrupt. For example, use linking words like ‘However/Moreover/ Therefore where appropriate.

Notes:

1. this in pharmacy as well as [Pharmacy]

2. Studying Human Health and Disease in Biology has expanded my knowledge about the way antibiotics work and antibiotic resistant bacteria so I hope to develop this further in my  studies at university.
Studying Psychology has increased my understanding of how stress affects the functioning of many organs such as the brain where there is a variation in the secretion of stabilising chemicals when facing a stressor.
[miss a line between these two paragraphs]

3. and solve problems occurring in Pharmacy.{this sounds like you already are a pharmacist]

4. A Pharmacist requires mathematical skills, such as in hospital pharmacy, for calculating correct dosages of drugs.[this doesn’t seem to follow on – seems to be hanging free and loose!]

5. hospital departments the hospital pharmacy.
I have advanced in my communication skills from part-time employment at Primark [new paragraph – miss a line]

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Pharmacy UCAS Personal Statement

Amendment -

This is a good first draft. What you need to do however is take out any awkward phrases and expressions. Also aim to be direct and simple in your expression. At times it feels like you’re trying too hard and consequently what you have written seems unnatural. Find your own voice.
.
1. I have truly become fascinated by Pharmacy as in [it] brings together both Maths

2. and it also directly effects on the lives [affects the lives]

3. my life long ambition to get involved in recommending and contributing in [this is a little bit long-winded and would benefit from being less wordy and more to the point]

4. Give Pharmacy a capital P throughout

5. To study pharmacy would require a patient and analytical mind, which would be well suited to the sometimes confounding nature of this career. [this is too general – personalise it – it’s about you]

6. I have always had a great interest in Science and Maths as both of these have a huge impact on our daily lives. [no need for this opening sentence – the second sentence covers your interest in Maths and Science.

7. Give Chemistry a capital C throughout.

8. Again, a bit wordy. Get to the point.

9. I have learnt the insight in being a community [awkward expression here]

10. I have advanced in my communication and pressure handling skills with my part time employment at Argos in Hulme. This has given me the opportunity to use my initiative and enabled me to interact with various different problems and situations such as dealing with customer problems and complaints. This has helped me gain responsibility and confidence, which I know will be required in the degree of Pharmacy. . I have also participated in teaching as a classroom assistant which has given me a great boost in determination and engagement to study pharmacy. [this paragraph (excluding the last sentence) is much more like it]

11. . My favourite pass-time [ pastime]


 

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UCAS Personal Statement for Pharmacy 3rd draft

There is a lot to like about what you have written, and your enthusiasm for Pharmacy comes across well. There is a particularly good opening paragraph, which I have slightly modified. Elsewhere, you will find further refinements which make it read better. You need to insert (where I have indicated) a sentence detailing what you hope to do/learn during your next work experience exercise - make it pharmacy-specific. Good luck with your application!
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Pharmacy personal statement

Some of this is now pretty good, but you will see that I have gone in for a lot further rewording. I have also altered the order so it reads better. It should now just about fit! I hope you like it. Good luck!
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Pharmacy UCAS Personal Statement

It was not entirely clear that you were applying for Pharmacy courses, but I have rectified this. I have rewritten your PS, and it now flows much better. I have remloved the reference to 'begin an empire' which would not impress university selectors! You need - as indicated - to be more specific on topics in the first paragraph. I have also given you a key closing line; you need to provide a new paragraph on ECAs and personal qualities, which I will then review in the next draft you send.
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UCAS Personal Statement for Pharmacy 2nd draft

This is potentially very decent, and your enthusiasm comes across. I have amended much of the wording so that it now reads still more persuasively. I wish you luck with your application.
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UCAS Personal Statement for Pharmacy first draft

This is a useful first draft but still needs a bit of work on it to give it polish. Look at your sentences and avoid any repetition of word or anything that is over elaborate or rambling.

Your opening is too long - with a personal statement you don't have space to elaborate or include a personal story.

1. 2 years ago I went on holiday [Two years...]

2. granddad [grandad]

3. All my life I [have] wanted to

4. one which is beneficent to humanity as the welfare of other people Is very important to me [your grammar breaks down here]

5. Use 'two' rather than '2'

6. also wish[hope?] to start work

7. interesting in addition i took French for my AS I love to learn different languages and I love to travel to learn about different cultures I 've been to France, Spain, Germany, Austria, Syria, Jordan and Iraq I can also speak 3 languages which are English Arabic and French I'm also hoping to learn more languages if I get the time and chance. [punctuation need in some of this - also capital 'I']

8. Both football and basketball require team work and communication skills I play these sports any chance I get, with my cousins and friends as it improves my communication and teamwork skills at school I was once part of a netball and basketball team. [this is a bit rambling - be precise and sharp with your points]

9. important in one[']s life

Keep working at it!

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