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my personal statement for a teaching course.

This reads quite well, and is now still more convincing after I have rephrased quite a lot of it. Your commitment to teaching comes across strongly. It is also a little shorter as I removed the exercises in repetition. This will enable you to leave a line between each paragraph, which makes the presentation better. I have also rejigged the conclusion, and it now reads much more decisively. Good luck with your application!
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Teaching Personal Statement

A good penultimate paragraph - the description of musical interests, and recognition of the importance of communication in teaching. You need to identify any specific subject area you are going for in your course - do this fairly early on. Also say something about the desired level at which you want eventually to teach.
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Teaching Personal Statement

I am pleased to see that you have set out many of the ideas that I suggested in answer to your earlier question, though your draft is too long and unwieldy. I have therefore rewritten it, shortening it in the process (very necessary) and removing the odd negative comment (about what you don't like) since these should never appear in a Personal Statement! I hope you like the revised version. Good luck with your application!
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Teaching UCAS Personal Statement

This is looking quite good but there are a number of amendments oyu need to make. Take care not to write long, rambling sentences. Make it crisp and sharp.

Notes:

1. Having input into software development and modelling new software products and consultancy for a variety of different business users [not a sentence]

2. I wish to be a teacher because, I [no need for a comma here]

3. Although I enjoy my current role I wish to be a teacher because, I enjoy the training side of my current role more than any other and I have wanted to teach for many years and have now found a subject which I am very enthusiastic about and enjoy very much and believe that I can pass on that enthusiasm. [a long sentence, too many ands, and partial repetition of 'enthusiasm']

4. IT in a classroom situation, this was the most fulfilling job I have ever had.

[IT in a classroom situation. This was the most fulfilling job I have ever had.]

5. literature, [and] I run regularly to keep fit

6. internationally, one of the most [internationally. One of the most]

7. I am determined to achieve my aims and believe that I would be a good teacher; I have chosen this course because I feel that it provides the best route for me to achieve my long term goals and combines both study and time in a teaching environment which appeals to me as I wish to experience teaching at the same time as learning, something that I believe I will continue to do throughout my life and career as a teacher. [a very long sentence]

Hope this helps a little!

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Teaching Personal Statement 2

This is looking fine. Note the following points, however:

1. I feel that I have all of these qualities [do you need 'to become a primary school teacher.'?]

2. My part time job as a sales assistant in a retail store has provided me with the opportunity to be independent, responsible and work as a team member.
My work experience has encouraged me to pursue a career in teaching. I feel that watching children learn and communicating with them is worthwhile and very rewarding. I have had the opportunity to go on various work experiences to local primary schools such as St Edwards, this has encouraged me to be a primary school teacher.

Better as one paragraph and in a different order (the most important work experience first!); also take out 'this has encouraged me to be a primary school teacher'

My work experience has encouraged me to pursue a career in teaching. I feel that watching children learn and communicating with them is worthwhile and very rewarding. I have had the opportunity to go on various work experiences to local primary schools such as St Edwards. My part time job as a sales assistant in a retail store has provided me with the opportunity to be independent, responsible and work as a team member.

3. believe that a Primary School teacher [believe that a primary school teacher ]

Hope this helps.

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Teaching Personal Statement

Fine! A small number of amendments necessary - otherwise a very effective statement.

1. I feel I have all these qualities to become a primary school teacher. [no need for 'to become a primary school teacher.' - full stop after 'qualities']

2. While being in sixth form
[Whilst in the sixth form ...]

3. I have been on various work experiences to local primary school such as St Edwards and this has encouraged me to be a primary school teacher.

[I have had the opportunity of work experience at a number of primary schools in the local area and this has...]

or

[I have had the opportunity of work experience at a local primary school and this has...]

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Teaching Personal Statement 4

You're almost there with this but the points you make about working with children are not supported by your actual work experience - there's a bit of a mismatch. Could you say that you are going to get some work experience working in a local school, which is likely to be necessary to be considered for Primary school teaching?

Notes:

1. imagination /and be a good listener/and to be a good listener or 'and good listening skills'

2. you get an understanding for [of] life

3. to other members of [the] sixth form

4. Other events that I have helped to organised /organise

5. [ the following paragraphs are a bit short and bitty - could you combine them? ]

My part time job as sales assistant in a retail store has provided me with the opportunity to be independent and to co-operate with other people. Working every weekend has shown my responsibility and I have gained experience as working as a member of a team.
My work experience this has encouraged me to pursue my career in teaching. This reason for this is that watching children learn and communicating with them is worthwhile and very rewarding.
I am a dedicated student, as well as an active member of the community. I really enjoy working with children, and believe that the Primary School teacher plays a very important part in shaping the society of the future. I hope to achieve my ambition, to become a confident, resourceful, successful and dedicated teacher.

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Teaching Personal Statement 3

This is a good personal statement but needs a little polish. Take note of the suggestions for improvement below. Also, have you had any work experience in a school. This is often asked for by teacher training institutions. Look into it.

1. The subjects I am taking for my A Levels and my work experience placements that I have carried out throughout the year have supported my enthusiasm.
[This is a little too complicated a sentence - what about omitting 'that I have carried out throughout the year ']

2. To be a primary school teacher I feel you need good communication skills, assertiveness, imagination, be a good listener

[To be a primary school teacher I feel you need good communication skills, assertiveness, imagination and good listening skills]

3. Out of these subjects my favourite is Geography the reason for this is you get to see the problems around the world and see how different cultures live.

[Out of these subjects my favourite is Geography. This is because you get to see the problems around the world and see how different cultures live]

4. I also enjoy Geography because you get an understanding for life and get an insight into why things happen in our environment. [this seems a bit weak - omit?]

5. While studying AVCE Health and Social Care I have gained many skills. The main skills that I have achieved are communication skills by doing presentations to the group. This has also improved my speaking and listening skills because I have learned how to speak to a class full of people and how to listen to people. [Are there more important skills you have acquired that are more specific to the subject?]

6. While being in sixth form I have obtained many experiences. [While being in sixth form I have been active in a number of ways.]

7. As a committee member of the sixth form snack shop this involves collecting money and counting it up at the end of the day [and also giving people what they want] omit bracket phrase].

[As a committee member of the sixth form snack shop, I have been responsible for collecting money and counting it up at the end of the day.]

8. One opportunity that I valued a great deal wasm organising an old people’s Christmas party, this involved organising the food, drink and entertainment for the elderly because it allowed me to be helpful and give to people who are more needy.

[One opportunity that I valued a great deal wasm organising an old people’s Christmas party. This involved organising the food, drink and entertainment for the elderly because it allowed me to be helpful and give to people who are more needy.

9. Other events that I have helped to organised is [organise was]

10. Stars in their eyes ['Stars in their Eyes']

11. for lower member of the school [for younger members of the school]

12. and I have gained experience at working as a member of team.

13. By doing work experience this has encouraged me to pursue my career in teaching.
[My work experience this has encouraged me to pursue my career in teaching.]

Hope this helps

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Teaching Personal Statement 2

This is a good personal statement but there are quite a number of technical errors - see below. I think you make a very good case for why you want to be a primary school teacher. However, your statement is quite long and may not fit into the space provided on the form. You will have to look at how you might cut it down a little. It will depend to some extent on whether you intend to handwrite this or have it printed on the form itself. The best thing to is to get a practice form from school and see how much you can fit in.

1. This reason for this is, is that watching children [The reason for this is that watching children...

2. To be a primary school [teacher] I feel you need

3. be a good listener [good listening skills, qualities which I believe I possess. - take out: 'and I feel I have all these qualities to become a primary school teacher.]

4. my favourite has to be Geography [my favourite is Geography]

5. Geography. The reason

6. . I also enjoy geography [. I also enjoy Geography]

7. an insight of [into] why things happen

8. doing presentations to the group, this has also improved my speaking [doing presentations to the group. This has also improved my speaking ]

9. I am able to work as a [member of a] team to

10. to study costal landforms [coastal]

11. and also give [giving] people what they want.

12. One opportunity that I value[d] a great deal is[was] organising an old people's Christmas party

13. Stars in their eyes ['Stars in their Eyes']

Hope this helps.

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Teaching Personal Statement 1

This is an excellent personal statement - it has everything and it is very well written!

One thing for you to consider, however, is that it may be too long to fit into the personal statement box on the UCAS from.

The best way to assess this is to get a photocopy of the form from your school and see whether your statement fits or not - it will depend on whether you intend to handwrite your statement or have it typed directly on to the form.

You can't make your font size too small as the forms are usually reduced by 50% when they are photocopied at UCAS.

Hope this helps.

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