There is a lot here of merit, though overall I have found what you wrote somewhat repettive, particularly with reference to the acquisition of personal skills. I have therefore pruned some of this, though there is scope for cutting still more. Overall, I have gone in for a good amount of rephrasing, which makes the whole piece read more convincingly. The short paragraph on 'weaknesses' I simply did not understand, and my advice is to delete it.
You therefore have scope to include two new short paragraphs, which would then make it more lively. First, I think you should include a paragraph on your SPECIFIC interests in HRM, and how these have developed while at Leeds. Second, at the very end, I think you should say something about where you see yourself in, say, 10 years time - and therefore exactly why your university course, additional courses, voluntary work, etc. would contribute to this projected career path.
I hope this is helpful. Good luck!