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Can you tell me if this UCAS Personal Statement is ok?

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UCAS Experts Feedback:
This reads well, though it is only near the end that you reveal that you are applying for Social Sciences courses! So I have added a sentence early on about skills transferring from your A Level Sciences. I have made a number of other textual alterations, and hope you like the end result. Good luck with your application.
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Our UCAS experts have over 20 years experience with university applications within academic institutions as full time teachers where they have been responsible for the administration of applications to university through UCAS, advising generations of students on course and university choices, on the completion of their application forms, personal statement, on their gap year plans, and on their preparation for interviews, including those at Oxford and Cambridge colleges.
After spending time revising and enhancing your essay with your editors suggestions in mind, you can upload a new draft for a second round of editing and critique for as little as £9.99 per uploaded draft. During this time you can ask your UCAS expert any questions you may have, and your Personal Statements will never be made public. This service is also packaged with over 300 example UCAS Personal Statements. Every UCAS Personal Statement has been critiqued and edited by a UCAS expert, with every draft uploaded being improved upon until the final draft is ready for submission to UCAS. As a a bonus, you will also receive a comprehensive 100 page 'E-Guide to Application to British Universities'.

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