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UCAS Experts Feedback:
I have, as you will see, spent a fair amount of time on this knocking it into shape. All the repetition, chatty sections and less than exciting comments have gone. It was rather too long as well, and I have needed to create room for you add more specific material on films, which is at present missing. The draft will have a much better balance once you have, in the places indicated, said something about your favourite films, and exactly why they appeal to you. The start is very striking, and I have tried to bring the rest up to the same level.