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Pharmacy UCAS Personal Statement

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UCAS Experts Feedback:

Amendment -

This is a good first draft. What you need to do however is take out any awkward phrases and expressions. Also aim to be direct and simple in your expression. At times it feels like you’re trying too hard and consequently what you have written seems unnatural. Find your own voice.
.
1. I have truly become fascinated by Pharmacy as in [it] brings together both Maths

2. and it also directly effects on the lives [affects the lives]

3. my life long ambition to get involved in recommending and contributing in [this is a little bit long-winded and would benefit from being less wordy and more to the point]

4. Give Pharmacy a capital P throughout

5. To study pharmacy would require a patient and analytical mind, which would be well suited to the sometimes confounding nature of this career. [this is too general – personalise it – it’s about you]

6. I have always had a great interest in Science and Maths as both of these have a huge impact on our daily lives. [no need for this opening sentence – the second sentence covers your interest in Maths and Science.

7. Give Chemistry a capital C throughout.

8. Again, a bit wordy. Get to the point.

9. I have learnt the insight in being a community [awkward expression here]

10. I have advanced in my communication and pressure handling skills with my part time employment at Argos in Hulme. This has given me the opportunity to use my initiative and enabled me to interact with various different problems and situations such as dealing with customer problems and complaints. This has helped me gain responsibility and confidence, which I know will be required in the degree of Pharmacy. . I have also participated in teaching as a classroom assistant which has given me a great boost in determination and engagement to study pharmacy. [this paragraph (excluding the last sentence) is much more like it]

11. . My favourite pass-time [ pastime]


 

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1 student responses

Chase007
Chase007
Thanks for the advise, i have changed it accordingly. This helped a lot and i love what you are doing for students out there. Thanks
responded Sep 21, 2005 4:57:52 PM BST
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