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Applying for Management

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UCAS Experts Feedback:
You certainly come across as keen to win a place on a Management course, but the whole statement is too long, and too chatty and colloquial. You need to insert a whole new second paragraph (where I have indicated in the revised draft) that outlines your specific iterests in business theories and ideas, for at present your statement is very light on this. There is far too much on extra-curricular activities, which I have pruned considerably to make space for the essential academic content that is missing. I have changed a great deal of the wording too, and have removed all of the sentences that make you come across as a touch arrogant! I have also beefed up the concuding paragraph.

I hope you like the revised version. Good luck with your application!
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1 student responses

smessant
smessant
Thanks very much! This has been a great help!
responded Oct 21, 2005 10:38:39 AM BST
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