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Business UCAS Personal Statement advice

Uploaded by Sita | Aug 21, 2008 | UCAS Personal Statements
Sita
Sita asks:

Hi, i need to know if this is an effective start to an introduction for a business personal statement.

To me, the subject i wish to pursue a career in has always been business studies. There was no certain experience that encouraged me to take this path, i have just continuously been fascinated by the subject. At a very young age i was exposed to business life and entrepreneurialship as my father owned various small businesses. This opened mind to......
At aged 13 my family and i moved to india where my interest in business studies grew. I was in a continuously expending economy......

Please help!!!

etutor answers:

I think this would be rather better:

I have always wanted to apply for a course in Business Studies and then to pursue a career in business management. There was no single specific experience that encouraged me to take this path, yet I have always been fascinated by the subject. Perhaps the catalyst was my early exposure to business life and the culture of entrepreneurship, since my father owned a number of small businesses. My mind was opened still further when, at the age of 13, my family moved to India. Here I began to observe the changes and challenges characteristic of a rapidly expending economy.

Then follow this up with two or three examples of economic issues or decisions (made by your fatherin his businesses) that made an impact on you, and explain why. Try to find contrasting examples - from finance, production, marketing, labour relations, or whatever. Be specific also about something that has changed in India during the time you have been there - in particular, change in the structure of production, the variety of products avalable or the enormous growth in foreign trade.

I hope this helps. Good luck with your application!

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